5:26 PM

The View from Here

Posted by Student/Teacher |

(I'm listening to D'Angelo's "Africa" from Voodoo as I type this)
Where I am today is quite a walk from where I was yesterday so to speak. It's a bit more than a stone's throw but I can still recall then. My feelings and thoughts about God, the nature of purpose, identity, relationships, and things have changed. I' like to think I've grown. I'd say and believe so. I recently talked with a best friend of my adoré (not sure if that's a real word but I think you get what I'm identifying). We talked about our respective institutions and thereby about ourselves a bit. We didn't speak as about my adoré as I had anticipated. The friend came off as very similar to my adoré. It became clear how they might be very good friends.

Now in thinking about it, I remember her and I having a small talk about the diversity in our social circles and the pros and cons thereof. Her group is made up of likeminded or relatively like-minded indiviuals. The positive for this in her case is that she has a smaller but tighter circle of friends that she can readily identify with. The negative is that ideological challenges come less often as there is fundamental concensus on thought. Perhaps execution becomes the primary medium for conflicting dialogue. I speak in supposition as I've never had such a circle. My group is made up of people from accross the social and ideological spectrums. The positive there is that I have many opportunities to challenge my ideas and those of others and experience other ways of thinking. The negative has been that while I have a breadth of contacts and associates, those I would consider friends in the sense that she does is much more limited.-
We seemed to disagree a bit on outlook and potential approach though our conversation remained cordial even at points of distance. After thinking about it, I think I challenged a bit more than I ought, considering this was our first meeting. It's the same way I speak to most any of my peers though so....Whatever the best course of action was, I results were a bit surprising. That's to say, they made me think of new things. I received a text later the next day hinting that her friend may not like me. I immediately thought, "Aggghhh, I went too hard. I should have just listened more and kept the topic of discussion lite." I've been told that I can come off a bit intractable. I can see that. We talked later and I learned that it wasn't so much that she disliked me but that she thought that we had different world views. As they have similar world views, my adoré and I must also have different world views that's where she found
a matter of contention our relationship.

I've never really
1. Considered how world views could (un)shape (romantic) relationships. Although now its seems a practical checkpoint. I do regard spiritual accord as a necessary prerequisit to relationship, though.
2. Examined whether she and I had different world views. Upon then asking, she was found to agree with her friend on the matter of our having different world views.
3. Taken a critical look at how this line of reason might determine her thoughts on the lifespan/purpose of our relationship.

Needless to say, I was a bit taken aback. It gave an odd feeling in the gut. Like I'd been blindsided. I'm not the most organized person, but I take a pragmatic approach to relationships. I try to do so even in romantic relationships though I'd found myself making impractical concessions with myself concerning time. Why? Because I wanted to and don't regret a single minute of it. As she attempted to assuage my concern, I think we both knew that the reason in her friend's concern was no chimerical consideration.

And so i think to myself......................................

I want to stay, but can this last from where we are?
I want this to last, but.....................can it? Can I will it to be?....Where/when is that determining discussion?................. = L