And I wake up sometimes and see the clock glowing red and wonder if five more minutes of shut eye will be worth the pace it'll take to make up for it. I try. I really try and I'm such a perfectionist about the things I truly value. I want to get things so right. But then, I'll miss and not have timed tests prepared for all of my students, or forget a kid's name, or have a boring homework review, or just not feel great. Little things. It feels like I have so far to go. It sucks realizing that you're not that good...yet. Then, one of my students will crack a joke that's terrible silly, or say something so deafly honest, or just smile. Sometimes, I'll just look at them while they're working diligently at something and feel this faith in us. Someone will ask a question because they really want to figure things out.
It's still amazing to me how fast you come to care about them. I think sometimes people forget that children are people too. They have stories and favorites and opinions and senses of humor and at the end of the day, they just want to be happy too. They want to feel loved the way we want to feel loved. They want to feel valued and valuable like we do. They want and need too.
I don't just want to be great at teaching for the sake of, I want to be great for them. I want to add to their lives. Change has become a popular word of late and I'm beginning to care less for it. I don't necessarily want to change their lives. I want to empower my students with the faith and wherewithall to advance their lives and the lives of others. I literally wake up, look at the red numbers, think about rolling over then think about my kids. I get up, get dress, brush my teeth, and go to them.